Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 28/04/06

It's the Early May Bank Holiday! As endless thousands leap into their cars and head for sunny days at beaches and the like (okay, maybe not the beach quite yet) I have found this rather intriguing traffic cone anomaly. Inch your captions forward in the fashion of steady vehicular progress for this please.



A guaranteed rain-free long weekend for every lucky entrant!

New Labour's New Black Wednesday

More evidence today in the deportation of foreign prisoners debacle of Labour continuing its rather tired-sounding 'we have f**cked up, but nobody resigns' stance, proving yet again that shit really does stick. Home Secretary Charles Clarke looked a sorry sight today in Parliament as he and Tony Blair had little choice but to take the heat. They didn't do very well.

Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt was heckled and slow hand-clapped by nurses over the much publicised failings in the NHS. She lost her cool.

Deputy Prime Minister, John 'Two Shags' Prescott admits having an affair with one of his secretaries and upsetting his wife (I wonder if he terrified her?). He's a bit hot under the collar.

Even ex-leader of the Labour Party Neil Kinnock was banned from driving today after topping out his licence with speeding offences. "Speeding is a killer and I have campaigned all my life against speeding," he said. Lawks.

New Labour's New Black Wednesday, indeed.

Chernobyl - 20th Anniversary

I can hardly believe it's 20 years since it happened. If you are unfamiliar with the event, or could do with a refresher, the BBC have some good in-depth coverage here.

The word nuclear doesn't crop up in the news quite as often as it did back then - either related to power or weapons - although it's having a good outing of late with the current UK energy review and Iran's activities and so on. I sincerely hope we do not have a new generation of nuclear reactors pushed upon us in the UK, as seems possible.

Since 1986, much has been reported on the failings that led to the meltdown at Chernobyl and the jury is still out on how many lives have been affected directly and indirectly as a consequence of it.

We can be certain of one thing though: there is still no safe solution to the problems the nuclear industry creates.

Anecdotal Evidence No. 25

When talking of life's experiences, people often say 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. In my experience, often what doesn't kill you just continues to eat away at you like acid.

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 21/04/06

This place came up in conversation today, so I felt I had to make it the subject of today's pic.


100% genuine holiday centre in Hampshire.

If you feel the need for more mirth, just read their website whilst in a suitable frame of mind. Here, for example, are a selection of the books they have available in their gift shop:

• A Handbook for Sandy Balls
• 70 Years A-Growing
• Sandy Balls for All Seasons

You couldn't make it up. Oh, yes you could! Off you go then, my lovelies!

We regretfully inform passengers your nose is running

Lady on the train,
Why do you sniff so?
I try to forgive you,
Because you are pretty,
But - no!

If you had a hanky,
Or a tissue,
It wouldn't be an issue,
But then I might not have realised,
I'm not as shallow as I thought.

I just don't - like - sniffing.

Clackety-clack,
Railway track.
Sniffety-sniff,
Nasal riff.

Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it.

Spring - get a move on!

It feels like spring has not particularly sprung this year, rather it's popped its head up now and again and then thought better of it. Undoubtedly it is warmer than it was, but it still feels decidedly chilly, to me, for the middle of April. As a consequence I think I am feeling moodier than I should be. I can feel some darker thoughts and observations surfacing which should have been put away by now in favour of joyous ramblings about lambs frolicking around in fields full of wild flowers and whatnot. I think some of this may make it on to the blog in the next few days...

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 14/04/06

Well blow me like an egg if it isn't Easter already! Whether you are having a religious or spiritual time of things or not - all the best to you. Whatever you are doing remember to have a crack at this week's eggsellent photo. Captions must be choc-full of bun or the yolks on you until I get a rise again.*


A large egg, more hollow than an over-commercialised Easter, for every attempt.

* I'm off now before I make any more religious puns and get crucified for it.

Terrorism Act 2006

Our Labour Government has wrought havoc with civil liberties over the last nine years. As if the Tories before it hadn't done enough.

Much has been made of the new Terrorism Act that has come into force today. And, just like the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act of 1994 and various legislation inbetween, those who believe in NVDA - Non-Violent Direct Action - as a means to protest and help effect change have had their lives made a little bit more complicated.

I am no disbeliever in the law. We need laws. Damnit, I like laws. But the deliberate trend of making points of law so damn vague is, to use this Government's favourite buzzword, terrifying.

I'm off to have a drink with Ghandi and he ain't impressed either.

McDonalds and the Rainforest - They're trashin' it

You may have noticed I've had a banner up for Greenpeace's latest campaign. Yes, McDonalds have a hand in the wanton destruction of Amazonian rainforest. Having long passed into 'fair play forever' culture-jamming legend, it's nice to keep topping up the reminders of why they should, at the very least, be avoided.

So what's this all about? Well, basically loads of rainforest is being cleared to grow soya and that soya is being fed to chickens (amongst other animals) which go on to be made into those little McNugget things.

Go here and learn all about it. McDonalds telling porkies? Facts at odds with their 'corporate vision'? Surely not?

There are lots of suggestions for great things you can do there, so what else can you do if you want to do more? Well, I can heartily recommend having a McShit. Basically, if you are wandering down your local high street and need the loo, pop into McDonalds to use their facilities. If a member of staff approaches you, assure them that you'll buy some of their delicious food after you've relieved yourself, but then don't bother. This blatant mistruth in fact means you will have had a 'McShit with Lies".

Twunt Driving Habits Nos.48 and 39

I think it must be that time of year. Your Recruting Officer has been spending quality pedestrian time adding to the list of stupid things people do in cars simply because they are too lazy to think. My campaign for people to have to retake a driving test at least every two years is forthcoming.

Reversing into main roads from side roads

This is done because twunt drivers always think about going forwards, not reversing (this theory often also applies to parking). Therefore when wanting to turn round they instinctively drive into a side road and then reverse into the main road, normally not bothering to look where they are going, or doing a poor job of it because they can't see what they are doing.

So twunt drivers, remember that bit on your driving test about reversing around a corner? Well... THAT'S HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IT. Planks.

Parking on 'zig-zags' at pedestrian crossings

This is one of those 'there's nowhere to park' scenarios where twunts either just wantonly abandon cars on pedestrian crossings or more popularly wait whilst someone has nipped out on that urgent 'buying a lottery ticket' or similar important mission.

So, twunts, listen up... PEDESTRIAN CROSSINGS ARE NOT OVERFLOW PARKING.

I am convinced drivers are getting more and more lazy.

Which incidentally, was the reason why that Borough of Poole dustcart attacked my wing mirror at the start of January - because the driver cut across my lane to save that extra fractional wrist movement to stay in his. On the upside I have finally got the new mirror fitted today after their insurer agreed to pay up, however I have lost count of the hours of sorting out and aggravation it has taken, just to get reimbursed for getting it fixed myself, three months later. Hmmm...

Disabled Parking

I think it's good that we provide parking areas and spaces for disabled drivers in our streets and car parks, so that they don't have to walk half a mile to get to wherever they need to go. It is surely the sign of a civilised nation.

Now, we all now that some selfish people park in spaces reserved for disabled people when they should not - either with complete abandon or because they have blagged a badge or are using it without the authority. These thoughtless people are twunts, obviously, however I would like to discuss the fact that disabled people can also park on otherwise restricted pieces of road - on double yellow lines for example - for certain periods of time with no penalty.

I find this a bit weird. Perhaps it's just me, but when I see a piece of road which has double yellow lines with no parking 'at any time' because, for example, parked cars would cause an obstruction - often dangerously - it makes me wonder how many accidents there are each year where some unsuspecting member of the public has actually sustained suitable enough injury to become disabled themselves because of an accident involving a disabled driver's car parked in a dangerous position. There must be statistics on this somewhere and the irony-seeker in me wants to know. Any ideas?

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 07/04/06

Well, it was on the cards, the nasty version of bird flu is here at last and who knows, in a few weeks time we could be dead. So look on the bright side of life and use your time wisely to celebrate our avian friends.


The chance to separate domestic fowl from wild at the farm of your choice if your caption is a flyer. Points deducted for coughing and sneezing. Go and see a quack!

It's Welly Week!

Gosh, time is just flying by at the moment. I have been ever so busy in the garden, digging and preparing things and sowing all the seeds I bought last year. I now have a nice selection of planted-up propagators and young plants growing on under cover and it's about time to get things planted outside too.

I'm really glad I joined the HDRA. I still can't get used to their new name - Garden Organic. I notice from their website it is currently Welly Week which looks like one of their annual fundraising events. I suppose wellies capture the idea of gardening quite well and you'd draw quite a lot of attention to the cause wearing them to work etc.. I was thinking of more ideas to e-mail to them, Fork Friday or Muddy Monday perhaps?