Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 31/03/06

FFFFPFF is in the air! Another week nearly over, rain forecast for the weekend, it must be an English spring! Yay!

It looks like someone with a sweet tooth came up with the subject of this week's photo:


This week, a quick nibble on the peripheral of your choice if your comment is found to be yummy enough!

Crap Customer Service Spotlight: Esporta

If you haven't heard of this company it's a chain of fitness/health clubs whose prices are, in my opinion, rather steep for what you get for your money. I went to the local one in Poole on a guest pass once and felt the changing facilities left rather a lot to be desired - a proportion of icky and/or broken showers is not what I'd expect for that kind of money.

Anyway, where they seemingly do excel is in producing glossy marketing materials.

I know this, because they keep sending them to me, marked for the attention of someone who hasn't lived here for a couple of years and someone who is apparently no longer a member of their club.

I probably forwarded and/or ignored one or two, but being a 'green' kind of guy, I normally get around to sending such things back, or e-mail or call the people concerned to get these things stopped, rather than just recycle them.

So, two years on and I'm still getting these things. I have contacted them more than half a dozen times, both the local one and their head office. All to no avail. Today another one arrived and so I went to their website and found their feedback page:

Dear Esporta,

I would like to give you feedback about how utterly useless you are with personal data. I have contacted the Poole branch and your head office at least half a dozen times to get promotional mailings for one of your ex-members stopped and you still can't action the request.

Is there someone who actions such requests? Have they had a lobotomy? Do you just not give a toss? I wonder.

I will now call your Poole branch again and if I receive any more mailings after that I will likely visit the branch personally and make a great big scene at the reception area. Oh yes.

In my opinion, your inability to carry out a simple request after having asked you, periodically, for two years, makes you a fairly crap business - and I am going to write a post on my blog about how crap I think you are. Come and read it at http://www.recruitingofficer.com

I do hope you can take sufficient action to stop being so crap and I wish you all the best in your future endeavours.

So, hello Esporta if you have made it this far - proving that you can type things using a keyboard even if deleting things is proving a little more difficult.

Actually, I think I might have cracked it this time. In a bid to appeal to sales greed - 'a changed lead is better than no lead' - I think I'll ring up and ask them to change the address instead. I don't think there is a 'Farkdorf Road' in Poole, but if there is, they will probably soon be receiving some marketing literature - and my apologies.

HP Customer Service - On the Ball

I have just spent ten minutes doing a rather tedious customer satisfaction survey for an HP printer I bought recently.

Having got into the habit of posting about crap customer service on my blog and then sending the offenders a link to the article, this question amused me immensely:


Fortunately the printer is smashing, so they escaped my wrath, but you have to admire them for being on the ball, don't you? Tee hee!

Climate Change: More Labour promises, more hot air

You may have seen a pattern forming in your Recruiting Officer's blog over the last week. Yes, climate change has been firmly on the agenda working up to today's announcement by the Government that we are unlikely to hit the UK's promised reductions in CO2.

Tony Blair made some nice, juicy soundbites about what we must do globally like this had all just come into his head, when I seem to remember we have already been promised the moon on a stick in regard to environmental issues by his party over the course of the past ten years and three election campaigns and been rewarded with just the stick. And a shitty one at that.

Grrrrrr! Okay, this was no great surprise, however I am so absolutely bloody fuming about this that I was going to launch into all the details and lambast these fools royally, but do you know what? I went to the Greenpeace UK site and they have already written almost exactly what I wanted to - and done a much better job of it. Read it here. There are also some useful links there, more things to read and do, as ever.

Renewable energy: pay more as gas and oil prices increase

A few months ago, your Recruiting Officer discovered one of the more bizarre aspects of how completely and utterly the current UK Government doesn't believe in taking genuine, constructive action over climate change.

I use electricity in my home - no gas - and buy my power from a company called Good Energy. They provide energy from 100% renewable sources and cost a little bit more than dirty energy providers. Not a lot, I haven't even done the maths recently, however when I first switched to them it was maybe £100 a year more. In my book, this is a price worth paying as the environmental cost of dirty energy (using sensible True Cost Economics) is something we need to address.

In my own naive way, assuming some things to be run along the lines of common sense, I presumed that because I am paying a little more for renewable energy then as fossil fuel prices increase, renewable energy from supppliers will become relatively cheaper and therefore renewable energy will become more attractive - and so on and so forth until everybody wants renewable energy and the market provides it in a rather smooth and hopefully speedy transition.

No. Not in th UK at least. It seems it won't work like that because we trade electricity from legacy fossil fuels and renewable energy on the same market. This has a lot to do with things I don't understand very well, terms like 'baseload price' and 'electricity content', however it apparently means if the price rises, it rises for everybody.

Now, my electricity supplier tells me that the only way these problems can be overcome is if renewable power gains a larger proportion of the generation market and therefore can assert more control over price.

Aaaaaaaargh! But that's not going to happen if the price isn't allowed to become more competitive.

I think there is a hell of a lot wrong with the current iteration of the 'market economy' and here is yet another example of how when it should work, it doesn't, because the game is being skewed against renewables when we should, if anything, be trying to skew it further towards them.

So instead of being left to the market pure and simple to sort out a transition to more renewables, it is left up to people like me, who actually give a toss. People who pause and think every now and again where their electricity is coming from. Dare I say, people who probably have energy efficient light bulbs and turn things off when they're not using them. People who try to use energy responsibly. People aspiring to a smaller carbon footprint. In short, the kind of people who come way down the list of those, in the UK, accelerating our depletion of fossil fuels.

So because the market economy has brain-washed the vast majority into 'cheaper is best', it puts people like me in the minority. Which isn't helpful, is it? What chance do we have when a subject supposedly so high on the Government's hit-list is not given the opportunity it deserves?

Now, I know these things aren't enitirely up to the market anyway. I know we already have some Government involvement in the form of Renewable Obligations, which make all suppliers account for a percentage of renewable generation and/or pay a price, but it is problems like the one outlined here that are genuinely going to make a difference to what the population are prepared to support by voting with their available cash.

Now, once more, for the same reason, the price for my renewable energy is being increased again. And again I have to justify to myself and others the price is worth paying rather than buying cheaper, dirty energy. Like many, I don't earn a lot so I really do have to think about what I spend. Do we really want all the people who have committed to doing the 'right' thing to revert back simply because they can't afford it any more? Because they can't afford to subsidise the people who don't give a toss?

Intervention or not, we cannot afford to continue to allow dirty energy to be sold more cheaply than renewables. In true cost economic terms - in terms of our environment and sustainability, we cannot afford it. And once more our Government could be doing a lot more than paying lip-service and not rocking the boat too much by taking more positive action.

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 24/03/06

Oh FFFFPFF-appy day! Spring has sprung, allegedly - and it's still bloody freezing here. So, if it's still a bit parky in your neck of the woods or not, what better than to whip out your cockles and warm them on this week's pic?


For anyone who doesn't recognise this man, he is Gordon Brown, the UK's current Chancellor of the Exchequer. He has been getting a lot of exposure this week because he is the likely successor to Tony Blair as the next UK Prime Minister, after Tony finally steps down for being a twat.

A 'Write Your Own UK Budget' pack (as sold in WH Smith) for every other entry, funny or crap - and the opportunity to study several more pictures of the man to see if you can pick the one where he appears to be showing some kind of genuine emotion by utilising muscles in his face.

Cosmos and Chaos a Speciality

Lumpy bumpy frap frap
Shibby nubby pap pap
Froodle dum
Bippy lum
Nurdle figgy shnap dap


This is the word of the Bibble Bison.
Thank you Bibble Bison.

Another budget, another tiny little step for reducing CO2

One of the most interesting things to come out of this year's rather thin budget offerings was a new level of car tax (or rather Vehicle Excise Duty - VED) supposedly to help reduce CO2 emissions.

This was being touted as a '4x4' tax (I guess that would be an SUV tax in the US), however quite a few saloons of about 2000cc or so would make it into the top bracket, alongside thoroughly gas-guzzling Porsches and Range Rovers.

My problem with car tax is one that people have complained about for years. It takes no account of how much people use cars. I am all for reducing car journeys and do so wherever possible. I have a 2 litre saloon which fulfils my needs when I need it, yet pay the same amount of tax whether I use it once a week or all day, every day. I think that approach is inherently flawed. If we are talking about reducing CO2 then where is the incentive for people like me?

People should pay for how much they use their cars and essentially, for CO2 reduction purposes or otherwise, that is best done linked to fuel bought - i.e. on the price of fuel - and just think how easy it would be. But we all know what a tricky subject fuel cost has become in recent years, don't we?

But with a fuel-linked car tax system if you have a fuel efficient car you'd pay proportionately less tax - a gas-guzzler, you'd pay more. But say you have a 4x4 and just use it a couple of times a year? No problem! Have a small car and do 30,000 miles a year? You'll pay more. Have a hybrid or an electric car? You'll pay less or even nothing. You fill up, you pay. Job done. And then we can use a good portion of the cash to do constructive things about public/other transport and energy related schemes while we're at it. Combat climate change? Yes please.

So, if he makes it, will Gordon Brown be a 'greener' Prime Minister than Tony Blair? He likes to play the environmental card that's for sure, but then New Labour's inability to turn environmental promises into reality has become almost legendary. Or otherwise it's too little, later than it could have been.

For example, my car tax is now £175 (because my car was registered before the current system came into effect). I bet all those people who have spent £50,000 or more on a Range Rover are positively cacking themselves at the thought of having to pay another £30 on their car tax and are rushing to sell them as we speak. Hmmmm...

Democracy in the dock

Three years on, then, after we invaded Iraq and the jury appears to be very much out on what has actually been achieved. Blair is making speeches about UK foreign policy against a background of made-up bullshit for doing the deed in the first place. You know, the 'perhaps the war was illegal, but hey, the ends justify the means and once we get to the end you'll see' approach to international relations.

We also have the latest UK-based controversy over the 'Cash for Peerages' scandal which London's Scotland Yard are now investigating.

Is it me, or is Blair looking and sounding increasingly desperate these days? He knows he's on the way out and I can't help straying towards the feeling he knows he's screwed up. It all looks very different to the promise of 1997 when New Labour schmoozed into office. Now it seems a lot of people think it's about time they got on with sleazing out of it. I mean, how many top level Labour politicians need to be caught with their fingers in the till or greasing palms before we get something done?

We are so apathetic about politics in this country - it would have been hard to understand these things being put up with even ten years ago. In fact it wasn't, was it? The Tories imploded over a series of often comparatively 'lesser' offences.

Perhaps it was all that charm offensive from New Labour and the ongoing, fallible to corruption reality that has made people wonder 'why bother'?

The fact Blair has tolerated unforgivable lapses in his staff - and for all I know, been complicit in a variety of abuse of authority - has, in my opinion, deeply damaged respect for democracy here and abroad. We come back to this issue of democracy and promoting it to others and once again we can only do this and expect it to be accepted when democracy fulfils its function by showing thorough intolerance towards injustice and corruption.

Not a lot new in this post, I've written similar before, but I hope it sticks in Tony Blair craw when he realises his legacy will be one of 'do as I say, not as I do' - not of the positive force I expect he thought it would be. And it should stick, because he could have made a much better job of it. A lot of expectant UK and global citizens wish he had too.

Ping Pong Dreams

Ping Pong Lady
Won't you maybe
Lend me your bat
Not your sonar flap
But your foam covered Japanese
Honey trap?

Paddle with me
You are so serene
In slow motion
On my team

I dream about
Your penhold grip
3 star balls
Your winning flip

Absorbed in motion
I am helpless

Won't you share
Your Magnus effect
With me?

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 17/03/06

Well, I can only apologise for the lateness of today's FFFFPFF. I have been having some technical difficulties which apparently come to even Mac users occasionally (tee hee!) and I'm sticking to that, it has absolutlely nuffin' to do with becoming forgetful after drinking lots of stout because it happens to be St Patrick's Day.

Anyway, in the spirit of the occasion, here is an interesting method of getting the food out of the can, so to speak:


A craftily drawn shamrock in the top of your pint (I can do that, I can, with my l33t, flexible wristed bar skillz) for anyone who can say something a bit funny. Although it must be time to crack out the whiskey by now...

Stress and perspective

It really wasn't until I finished my last job that I realised how stressed I'd got about it all, what with the lengthy rundown and redundancy saga and so on. It has been nice the last few weeks to realise that some of the things it is easy to build up steam over really aren't that serious at all, certainly in the greater scheme of things. I guess this is called getting perspective and I merely wish to note this seems to be something one can easily lose sight of in the day-to-dayness a lot of modern life seems to be geared towards. I certainly feel better for it.

Musings No. 149

When I was 18 I thought I was going to change the world.

By the time I got to 30 I realised I was probably just going to sit around and moan about it.

Small, but pleasing things

People say 'simple things please simple minds' which I think is true enough as long as people aren't being too mean about it. I think it would be a better world if we could take greater pleasure in simple things more often.

My mood has just been enhanced greatly for example, because I've just heard my car alarm going off.

A bit odd that, you might think - and quite rightly - however it's the first time I've caught her at it, you see. She's been going off at particularly random moments for some time now, but only when I'm nowhere in the vicinity. Like she waits for me to disappear from view and then just does it to amuse herself. The supermarket car park is a favourite one. It only seems to happen perhaps once or twice a month, so I haven't prioritised fixing it yet.

Anyway, it pleased me immensely to finally hear my car alarm with my own ears. I suppose I should finally get around to doing something about it...

Planning for the future - the English countryside

I live in the rather pleasant Anglo-Saxon walled town of Wareham in the picturesque district of Purbeck in Dorset. Like many localities, picturesque or not, Purbeck has its own claims to fame - the setting for much action in Thomas Hardy's novels, equally an often sunny backdrop for Enid Blyton's Famous Five.

We are rich in natural resources - as well as sand, gravel and clay, we are home to the largest onshore oilfield in Europe at Wytch Farm which borders Poole Harbour, allegedly the second largest natural harbour in the world (Sydney Harbour in Australia is the largest). Brownsea Island in Poole Harbour was the site of the first Boy Scout camp and is one of the few places in the country you can still find red squirrels.

You also don't have to look far in a lot of places, especially London, to find buildings made using our Portland Limestone and Purbeck Stone and Marble. The geology of the area is so spectacular that the coastline is now part of the Jurassic Coast World Heritage Site.

As well as various army ranges across the district, you may have heard of the Tank Museum at Bovington, or indeed the primate haven Monkey World just up the road, both sited not far from the spot where Lawrence of Arabia parted company from his motorcycle.

So, as well as many famous names and places, the local 'resources' have always been in demand and the local council is currently working on its Local Development Framework, which is supposed to set forth various plans for the area over the coming years (allegedly with a degree of 'good' flexibility not so far seen in local planning and increased public involvement).

Of some varied issues, many of the usual questions are at the fore, of course. Where to put housing and development, how to encourage employment etc.. This is one of the most expensive places to live in England, yet the wages don't reflect it by any means. For example, I know hardly anyone I grew up with that can afford even the cheapest property in my town (should they want to clamber on to that particular ladder, although renting is often correspondingly expensive). It's a lovely place to live, sure, but it's tough on the average worker, plus the chance of working here is slim as most jobs are away in Poole and Bournemouth, which adds to traffic pressures and so on.

Anyway, I have dutifully put in my two penn'orth. Being such a picturesque area I have suggested the council take a lead in keeping it that way by pioneering a few strategies they can really affect, like making any new development use integrated solar and other environmentally sound building materials - and also being a lot more savvy about tourism. For example, as the number of local hotels and guesthouses has declined, the number of day-trippers coming to see the sights, with the opportunity to spend absolutely nothing if they so wish (a lot still do spend, of course), is not helping the local economy or improving our aims in our duty of care to the countryside.

Nowhere stands still - and I am not some nimby stick in the mud - however the pillage of our resources in this country (let alone everyone else's) for so many things over an historically very short space of time often makes me wonder exactly what we are leaving for future generations. Perhaps sooner, rather than later, some choice few with the available cash will have the opportunity to buy a lavish 'modern townhouse' overlooking the world-famous and archaeologically significant Durdle Door or Lulworth Cove? Or perhaps we could rebuild Corfe Castle and turn it into studio flats?

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 10/03/06

Oh FFFFPFF! Yes everyone, it's that special time of the week once again! As my new job is being taxing and my brain absorbs a million squillion new and exciting things to do with computers, I have noticed my occasional tendency to be a bit scatty and/or stare blankly at people/walls/women's legs while some particular piece of rumination goes on in my poor addled brain.

So, in search of others who have managed to be a bit forgetful and in honour of the splendid girl I used to work with who kept doing spectacularly mixed-up things like putting loaves of bread under the bed and her slippers in the fridge, I bring you this:


The prize this week should most certainly be a trip in a fire engine to put out the petrol station, so caption-a-go-go my lovelies!

The Microsoft iPod

Tee hee! What a week again! It's all go, that's for sure. I thought a few of you might be interested in this movie that was allegedly created for in-house purposes by Microsoft, to show how their approach to product packaging varied somewhat to Apple's more minimalistic one. Whoever made it, it's very funny!

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 03/03/06

Well, as promised, it wouldn't do to miss the most fun part of the week. So here, in true, lashed to hot computer stylee, is someone who surely has a deadline to meet. I haven't seen a computer like this since my hack days. Damn, my old sub-editor would be proud...


In highly traditional and suitably fake manner, all the fags you can smoke and a litre bottle of 'quality' blended scotch for the best caption. Off you go - and I want 250 words or a decent blog entry ready for the first edition!

What a week!

Blimey, in case anyone had thought I'd gone AWOL, I would like to state that reports of my disappearance have been greatly exaggerated.

In fact, after a very busy week or so off, my new job has got going in absolutely frenetic style. I cannot believe how extraordinarily rushed off my feet I have been over the last week or so.

I am confident something like normal blogging activity will be resumed next week, however I am having trouble identifying my arse from my elbow at the moment, so I am merely aiming for a FFFFPFF tomorrow for a start...