Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 24/02/06

Hi everyone, as I've been doing a little bit of camping of late, here's a FFFFPFF featuring a happy camper who appears to be hiking up the right track.


This week, every single caption wins a long walk of your choice followed by an even longer cold shower.

Holiday fun!

Just a little note that things are going to be a bit scant around here this week as I am being a busy bee and off and about doing all sorts of exciting things, making the most of my current bit of freedom in between jobs. However, if anything seismic happens I'll be sure to post it straight away! See you soon! ;-)

Brokeback to the Future

Just a quickie mention for this as Misty enjoyed it so much after I put a link to it on yesterday's comments...

If you liked Brokeback Mountain head over and take a look at this Flash movie trailer for Brokeback to the Future. Laugh? I nearly fell off my horse! ;-)

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 17/02/06

It's Friday so soon! Where has this week gone? Well, because the Olympics are on and there's lots of snow about (in Italy anyway), here are some reindeers who seem to be having fun:


Caption a go-go! A free trip down the ski jump for the winner!

Crap customer service spotlight: British Gas

Gas is in the news today because the prices are still spiralling up through our nicely insulated roofs so it seems a good day for your Recruiting Officer to take British Gas and give them a hearty proverbial kick up the backside.

I don't know if anyone has recently had a quote for a boiler or central heating installation from British Gas, however it seems the whole thing goes a little like this:

Person needing new boiler: "Ah, I need a new gas boiler/central heating system. Look at this offer in the paper for British Gas, they are offering a £400 discount/3 years free central heating cover at the moment. I'll give them a call. *Reaches for phone*

Soon afterwards a sales person from British Gas calls at your house and advises you on what they think would be best (read: maximise amount of work), making general comments like 'well, you should really have this' when you really need no such thing.

Then they get out a laptop and printer to provide you with a quote. This is the clever bit. The laptop runs an application that the British Gas salesperson can easily enter all sorts of information into, like, 'new boiler: this type' and 'number of radiators: such and such' - even, for all I know, 'customer gullibility rating: low/medium/high'.

Now I say it's clever because a lot of information apparently goes in, but just one figure comes out. This is called 'Boiler (incl. installation)' and let's pick an arbitrary figure, say £4,786. This figure includes the cost of boilers/radiators/materials/fitting/admin and so on and it is apparently the law of British Gas that this figure must not be broken down into its constituent parts in front of a customer, lest the great gas demon pop out from the nearest outlet pipe and smite them in a fiery and potentially rather painful way.

The sales person then prints some bumf out on the printer, but writes the bit you need to sign, the 'Quotation and Contract', out by hand (interesting, considering the amount of tech that has landed on your coffee table).

The second interesting thing happens here. Apart from this one 'all inclusive' figure, they can now add extra things your installation might need under ther headings 'Additions' and 'Optional Extras'. This might include the cost of removing your previous central heating system, for example, or any extra twiddly bits you want. Well, 'sell me up' indeed. If you are having central heating fitted the location and number of radiators are also listed, but not the cost because that is included in the 'all inclusive figure'. Are you still with me?

The final bit is the bit where they ask you to sign up if you are happy to proceed and this is the time to ask: "What about the discount you are advertising at the moment. This could well be met with an answer like "well, that only applies to certain systems, not the installation you need - the computer has come up with a price and that's that, it's all included, you see? We can start a week on Monday."

Umm, no I don't entirely see, but you're saying this is it, take it or leave it. I've even asked you if I can have a think about it and now you've said that means you'll have to come back and that could be a while and...

Anyway, if you are elderly or infirm or it's November and your boiler has just blown up, this is the point where you likely say, 'Okay, please go ahead, here's my credit card for the deposit." The British Gas system then rolls into action and you get your new boiler and so forth.

I have witnessed this process recently and having seen the invoice that comes in after the work has been done, it equally itemises nothing to do with the job. This particular invoice was paid promptly, which probably goes some way to explaining why whenever I have phoned British Gas since November to ask for a breakdown of it they haven't been very interested in doing it.

After e-mailing them at the end of January they e-mailed me back yesterday and then phoned me to try to sort things out and today, after telling me the jobs are costed as a 'pack' and they can't break them down I questioned why VAT is charged at different rates - 17.5% and 5% on their invoice with no explanation. I was told this would be because certain 'energy efficient' items are charged at a lower rate of VAT. Could I be told what these items are? "Yes, but I'll have to go through the breakdown of the bill."

Lying - and possibly thieving - bastards. I rest my case.

A relaxing weekend...

Well, Friday finished with the excitement of being given my first leaving interview which means the clock is now ticking on my redundancy and my final day should be in the next couple of weeks. Nice people not withstanding, the joy of never having to do another hour of work in that place feels very liberating indeed.

Since Friday I have mostly been having a long weekend with a friend, camping and walking on Exmoor - the season's chilliness more than made up for by the ability to have campfires at the campsite. On Saturday we were walking along the East Lyn River when a heron flew past just a few feet away. At the time the path along the river bank was making its way across a private garden and as I looked up I managed to slide down the well-manicured, grassy bank in my size twelve boots. I nearly completely did the splits trying to keep from diving headlong into the river on one side and trying not to chuck my camera at the deck on the other. I rather pleasingly came to a halt, crouched Cossack style, placing my camera on to the ground. No harm done, fortunately, but a photo of the heron eluded me and the grass looked a little worse for wear despite a bit of divot pressing.

The trip back yesterday was punctuated with a stop in Taunton for breakfast where I casually bent down to look into the offside front wheel - after we had toasted the brakes a little coming down Porlock Hill (1 in 4!) - only to see the spring on the shock absorber staring back at me from about an inch away from the tyre. Blummy-heck!

Bizarrely, the nearest Kwik-Fit was about 100yds away and the guy who was in charge was amazingly helpful considering they looked pretty stacked out - and said they'd get it fixed. A couple of hours and a wander round Taunton later, he was about halfway through fixing it and cheerfully showed me the spring had snapped in two places, not just one. He also cheerfully noted that Ford Mondeos weren't really made for off-road driving, goodness knows what he thought we'd been up to, although the track to and from the campsite must have been the final culprit even with all the dead slow pothole avoidance I could muster. A close call indeed, however all was well in the end, fortunately and Kwik-Fit were very helpful I have to say - just like their adverts which was a nice surprise.

So, in summary, lots of walking, lots of drinking, lots of eating, a couple of roaring campfires (even featuring marshmallow excitement), broke the car, fixed the car, came home. All in all, quite an eventful yet relaxing weekend!

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 10/02/06

The sun is shining, it's now lunchtime and I still don't know if this is my last day at work.

It is undoubtedly a FFFFPFF though, so in the spirit of maximising the humour in a day at work, here is one of my absolute all time favourite photos to caption:


The opportunity to shout 'You bastard!!!' at a work colleague of your choice for every quality entry!*


*Rather than giving everyone an unexploded bomb as that would just be silly.

100 posts and counting

Hurrah, a little milestone of sorts for your Recruiting Officer today - 100 posts made now since the start back in August last year. Woo! - and indeed - Hoo!

Work has been busy, busy, busy, what with product deadlines and trying to hand work over to new people and all the associated confusion. Because we publish magazines and things are moving around to different offices at the moment we are doing exciting things like dual-running booking systems and standing around and laughing when things go wrong. Well, I am anyway.

As a result I still haven't got any quotes for getting my mirror replaced on my car. Incidentally, in this particular case, dustcart meeting my wing mirror resulted in this:



Due to the curvy shape of the side of Ford Mondeos I worked out the guy was an inch away from completely taking me out as he undertook me in a 30 limit doing more like 40. Hmmmm...

In fact I did ring my local Ford dealer and asked them how much it would cost to sort out and they put me on hold for a good five minutes and then came back and told me it would cost just over £100. However, when I said I needed the quote in writing to get it agreed - I need to get quotes for the insurer - they said they couldn't fax it to me. Or e-mail it. But they said if I faxed them, they could fax me back. How lame is that? I duly sent them a fax and so far have received, yes, you've guessed it, nothing in return.

Ho hum. I am mostly staying calm and although work is busy there a lots of people leaving and that means lots of trips to the pub and going out for food and the like, so apart from costing a small fortune there are at least plenty of opportunities to get bladdered relax.

And hey, tomorrow could be my last day at work! It's a bit random there is nothing more definite about it than that at the moment, especially after far too many years of service, but there we go. In less than 24 hours time I will either be jumping for joy or really rather annoyed!

The light at the end of the tunnel is sunshine

What a glorious day! Here in my soon to be ex-office, overlooking lovely Poole Harbour, I can see the sun is shining outside and all is well with the world. Okay, that's a bit over-ambitious, but I certainly do feel much better when the sun is shining. I think I have SAD. I think I need to get one of those light boxes or something and I dare say I'd be rubbish dealing with months of wintery night in a country like Iceland. Strange too, because I'm a bit of a night owl at heart.

Anyhoo, the sun is shining and things are looking up. I am being a bit more cheerful about my alleged last few days at work and although I need to spend my free minutes today sorting out evidence and quotes for my insurance claim against Borough of Poole Council, it's not getting me down. And by Monday I should be on holiday for two weeks until I start on my new job. Woo!

(I am making the most of this today, just in case things go pear-shaped by Friday.)

The end draws near. Or does it?

A little bit more on the saga of my redundancy today. This week should technically be my last week in this job because, on the recommendation of my manager, I have booked two weeks of holiday from the end of this week to cover up to my eventual leaving date. This should be cause for celebration then?

Unfortunately not. I believe, after she proposed a leaving date of 10/02/06, my manager asked me to book this holiday in good faith, in order for it to act as a safeguard to cover any mucking about concerning the two 'required' weeks between leaving interviews as I described the other day. However, the final decision is not up to her and I am still told my leaving date is coming, but nobody can give me an exact date.

I am fuming. I have already thrown a strop today after a chain of mildly irritating events that started with my computer crashing for the umpteenth time. My line manager, apparently in a wildly misguided attempt to placate me, said if was worried about leaving I could always resign, not passing 'GO' and not receiving my redundancy money. Gee, thanks for pointing that out. Fortunately I managed to stop short of telling her, very plainly and in front of the whole office, to fuck off. It was a close call. Getting sacked for misconduct at this late stage would be unfortunate.

After being told the company would be sympathetic to releasing people who were able to get other work once we were 'nearing the end', it has now descended into this kind of thing:

"Well, we have to prove you are actually 'redundant' before we can let you go which means you have to spend your last few weeks mucking about sorting out and handing over loads of crap. In fact, all the crap you could have been sorting out and handing over properly during the last few months if we could have been bothered to organise it better.

Therefore, even though you stated you would like to be one of the first out of the door - and even though we have already let two of your colleagues go - we feel it important to muck you about, increase your already high levels of stress and absolutely positively just agree all of this 'off the record' until it's definite. BTW, don't bother complaining to anyone because, if you do, the 'powers that be' probably won't say 'yes'. But hey, cheer up - we really are on your side!"

Aaaaaaaaargh! Make it stop. Now. Please.

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 03/02/06

Oooh, I think it's time for FFFFPFF!

It's been over a month now since we've had a nun, so just to keep up the habit (see what I did there?) here's one who's clearly enjoying herself:


A large portion of piety with a side order of absolution for every quality effort.

The armed forces - why do people join up?

First up then, why do people in the UK join the armed forces?

Scouring the net I can see a variety of reasons for people in the UK joining up, chiefly as professed by people who have (who I figure should know), which I will list here in no particular order:

- Good pay
- Defending one's country/way of life
- Teaches respect
- Camaraderie
- Education/learn a trade/skills etc
- Good working hours (generally)
- Get fit (whilst getting paid)
- Very cheap living costs/more pay goes in your pocket
- Cheap adventure holidays (in your time-off)
- Exciting
- Adventure
- Get to use interesting kit
- Might get to kill people

Based on this, I can see why people join. Most of those things seem fairly sensible apart from the bloodlust bit.

Any more suggestions?

Armed Forces/Defence Industry - Introduction

This is an introductory first post in a series I have planned concerning the armed forces and the defence industry - chiefly within the UK, yet with reference to other countries as appropriate. They are doubtless going to profess your Recruiting Officer's opinions, however I will endeavour to make them as objective and factual as possible without cherry-picking statistics or citing every point of reference.

The fundamental reason for this is because although I have a degree of knowledge I still have certain preconceived notions about the military and the defence industry and by studying available resources in more detail I hope to improve my knowledge - and yours too if you find it useful - about how these areas tick and essentially to examine the social and moral justifications for them.

I don't know how many posts there are going to be, however I will eventually start to weave my findings together and also group the relevant posts somewhere so they are easily accessible.

Corporate bullshit

I have just realised I need to dish the dirt on the pathetic corporate bullshit surrounding my redundancy through my blog, possibly even before signing my 'compromise agreement' which I understand means, at the very least, I will sign away any right to take my company to a tribunal, for example, over the utter bollocks of a shambles surrounding my redundancy.

Why sign such an agreement? Well, they offered an enhanced redundancy package (as opposed to statutory redundancy which is all I was due to get) which served to stop a lot of people, myself included, jumping ship when we were first told about the impending shutdown last June.

That sounded fairly reasonable at the time, however the closer we get to the end - and with various employees being offered work elsewhere and in many cases wanting to take it because they have lives to lead and bills to pay and all that - the 'powers that be' are being utter bastards about letting people go, whilst sticking within the law (as far as I can work out).

Most people haven't been helped by the fact that for months there was no budging over telling everybody things would be tied up by January 20th - a deadline that passed with little fanfare or further information forthcoming.

The corporate goons handling all of this are obviously trying to cover the company's arse - and to a point I understand that. For example, everyone has to be interviewed twice before they can leave to make sure they are fully consulted and 'okay' - and those interviews have to be two weeks apart. However there is no way for the employee to absolve the company from this two week gap, even if they themselves want to leave early, which is leading to much shenanigans over taking holiday to finish up etc.

Allegedly they are being very obstinate about letting people go just because they have another job - and they have now, apparently, cited some work I had foisted on me just a few weeks ago as the main reason for not agreeing my redundancy. Evil, evil, bastards. What makes this difficult to stomach is that the throughly inept corporate wrangling at the very top of the company (for example, bollocking things up only to turn around and decide to sell things off) can only be attributed to one of two things - either unforgiveable, indeed negligent conduct, or intentional posturing to make some people swift money or privilege. Gah!