Nuke Labour

Well, here we are then, Tony Blair has announced the awaited 'energy review' which sees nuclear power put back on the table for discussion. Greenpeace delayed the start of the speech for nearly an hour by offering their own opinion.

It was only a matter of time. To paraphrase Tony Blair everybody is starting to crap themselves (sorry, 'feverishly rethink') now that their own fossil fuels are running out and existing nuclear power stations in the UK, most of which have, or did, run a frighteningly long time over their 'sell-by' date before decommissioning, are on their last legs.

So, slashing some more ties with past policy, Blair is pushing Labour in the direction of nuclear.

"Energy supply is under threat", he says.

'Business' is in favour, apparently. That's no surprise, is it, seeing as business generally always has to have sound environmental thinking thrust upon them. Ummm... perhaps they are just keen to support the first thing that comes along that looks like an 'easy' way to protect shareholder dividends? 'Business' was well in favour of nuclear power the first time round. In fact a lot of people were, however something has happened since then. It's called experience. It's called bailing BNFL out to the tune of billions of pounds (this is 'cheap' electricity remember?) all too frequently. It's called f**king up the Irish Sea and coastlines and more. It's called shipping weapons-potential nuclear material around the world (terrorist target anyone?).

There is supposed to be an open and honest debate about energy, which in itself would be no bad thing.

However, I am sure this time we will be sold nuclear using a raft of positives. I predict the main three will be these:

1. It is actually really, really safe.*
2. It will be cheap.*
3. It will solve all our energy problems.*

In fact, a colleague of mine just summed this whole thing up from start to potential nightmare finish in one simple question, I dare say on the minds of a lot of people... "Will it be cheaper?" Covered in point number two, I believe.

We are all going to die. Start swimming now. Oh, not in the direction of France, of course.


*Any similarities to previous claims about nuclear power are probably entirely wrong and just you imagining things. Ummm...

Philua - probably the best coffee liqueur in the world

I'm all for people making more things at home, rather than buying stuff. The other day I spoke about winter drinks and mentioned Kahlua, the coffee liqueur.

Well, now I have made my own using some lovely strong filter coffee, lots of sugar and vodka, with a lovely big fat vanilla pod (I think a lot of the world call these vanilla beans).

I have called it 'Philua'. This is because my name is Phil and it is inspired by Kahlua! Do you see what I did there? Ha!

Here are some of the ingredients (pics may take a few seconds) - the coffee already has the sugar added and is cooling down:



This is a close-up of an opened vanilla pod - the seeds are often referred to as 'caviar' and you can see the resemblance.



Here we go, all bottled up, ready to mature over two to four weeks then ready to strain and re-bottle.



First batch should be ready in time for Christmas/New Year. I can't wait!

Good manners cost nothing

Perhaps this is just part of getting older, however my once very tolerant and forgiving nature has been on a definite slide into 'doesn't suffer fools gladly' territory for some considerable time.

So, of late, I have been making an extra effort to be calm, to step back and assess a situation before acting - to take those deep breaths before replying to certain questions and endeavouring to count to ten in a bid to avoid losing the plot. I have been forced to think a lot harder about how I act - and in doing so I must say I have been pleased at how polite, civil and helpful I am in public without even trying.

I am not a person who constantly chats to complete strangers or who grins inanely all the time or the sort who makes a great flourish of doing something helpful - much of the time those people fall into my 'annoying twunt' category, even though I suppose the action is generally well-meaning.

I do, however, hold doors open for people so they don't close in their face, walk responsibly in pedestrian areas rather than body-check people, offer to get items from stupidly high supermarket shelves for shorter people, apologise or excuse myself if I feel the need to inconvenience somebody in the slightest way and also take genuine care to offer good service when dealing with customers in my job.

What I find really depressing and alarming, however, is the number of people who really can't be bothered. This often seems to be because the world doesn't really exist apart from what is going on in their head and social niceties are just something those well-off, fuddy-duddy Victorians mucked about with for a while. Ah, no that's not quite right - because many of these people will be polite when it is in their own interest to do so. It's a re-inforcement of their own life being most important. These people need to look around them a bit more and be more civil.

I went into Oxfam the other day and nearly laughed out loud because everybody was so polite it seemed almost unreal. It was funny to me because it was exactly how I would expect the stereotypical Oxfam customer to act. In Sainsbury's, on the other hand, I see people pushing and shoving and barging in front of people (here incited by pathetic design of the storefront) almost every time I go in there. I have often noticed that the main losers in this 'survivial of the most impatient' approach to busy pedestrian areas are the elderly or infirm.

Having hung back, behind one elderly and particularly shaky chap who was trying to walk out of the store with his trolley, I noticed he was almost completely unable to make any progress for the number of people barging in front of him. It was really quite saddening - and also to think this is the sort of thing we have to look forward to in old age.

I mentioned in a recent post how I think getting the small things right in society adds up to how 'well' a society generally 'is'. Society's ills are often blamed on 'culture' or a lack of means, but what price good manners?

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 25/11/05

It's FFFFPFF time! This week's photo has a topical traffic management theme. For your caption excitement, I present you with:


This is actually Pierre Vivant's 'Traffic Light Tree' on the Heron Quay Roundabout, Docklands, London.

A green, amber or red light, to use as you wish for a whole weekend, in return for every quality entry...

"We sow the seed, nature grows the seed..."

Today I will be mostly ordering seeds for next year's crop of organic food. This is very exciting and I have got wildly carried away as per usual.

I can recommend this place to buy organic stuff, they are linked with the HDRA, or 'Garden Organic' as they are now called. If you join Garden Organic, you can also get a reduced fee membership of the Heritage Seed Library, where you can try all sorts of interesting plants and also help preserve them for future generations.

If you have any interesting suggestions let me know. I have a reasonable-sized patch and after spending much time this year finally clearing it all up and planting some clover as a green manure, I am certainly going to try to make best use of the space. I have grown from plants for the last couple of years so this is the next step. Many exciting things are on the list, including sweet peppers, after having had some good success, so far, with chillis outside.

My best find so far is on impulse and they are out of stock for this year now, however it is possibly the most fantastic sounding vegetable I have ever heard of. I am, perhaps, too excited, however I make no apologies for my increasingly horticultural leanings. It is:

Bulbous Chervil

"An almost unknown vegetable. The cylindrical, mealy and sweet roots, similar to potatoes and chestnuts in taste, are eaten as purees or together with grilled meat. Sow in November in a well prepared soil, germination follows in the spring."

Ha! How great is that! Now I just need to find my own Felicity Kendal style woman.

As a wise young man* once said, "We sow the seed, right. Nature grows the seed. We eat the seed. And then! We sow the seed, nature grows the seed..." - repeat until death.


* Neil, from The Young Ones, if you hadn't already guessed.

Creative traffic calming

This idea is brilliant. In a 'reclaim the streets' stylee, this chap is proposing we create our own traffic calming measures to seize control of our roads back from the whizzy metal boxes. Absolute quality.

More 20mph speed limits for built-up areas are on the table - and many shiny stars for Ted Dewan, a children's author and 'traffic campaigner', for saying we need to challenge current notions of road use by thinking out of the box:

"People are too used to being scolded by warning signs telling them about lethal speed and driving. It's like 'tell me something new'. But they're not used to having their wit engaged," he says.

His project 'Road-Witch' is just pure class. Check out the Cyclemas Story too. We need more people who do stuff like this guy...

Recycled toilet paper (not as funny as it was)

I remember, when I was a kid, a little joke that would pop up every now and again and it went a little bit like this...

Kid 1: "Do you like recycled toilet paper?
Kid 2: "Eh?"
Kid 1: "Do you like recycled toilet paper? Do you? Do you?
Kid 2: "Uhh... Yeah.
Kid 1: "Eeeeeeeuuuuuwww! You like recycled toilet paper! Yuck! Hahahahahahahaha!

It was a good joke, one of those you could repeat every now and again and even though everyone knew it, it was funny.

It's not really very funny now though. Remarkably, even after more years than I care to remember an astonishingly low percentage of the paper we wipe our bits with is actually recycled. Much of it is made from virgin fibres - i.e. from trees cut down for that very purpose. Even more shockingly, material is even sourced from highly controversial and even illegal areas.

Even the perceived benefits of recycled products are degraded when fibres have been chemically bleached.

All this to wipe your arse on or mop up your kitchen spills.

The main Greenpeace campaign about Kimberly-Clark, manufacturers of Kleenex etc. is here - www.kleercut.net/.

And the WWF have done some detailed European research - here - on how best you can take action on this.

It's also nice that they point out you shouldn't try recycling your own toilet paper.

So, a little vote today. Do you:

a) Already use recycled paper products where possible
b) Haven't really thought about it, might do now though
c) Couldn't care less

Winter drinks

We had a little bit about wine the other day, so to continue the alcohol-related theme in a seasonal stylee, I thought we could discuss favourite winter drinks.

I have noticed that whilst many drinks are good at any time of the year, certain tipples come into their own in the cooler months.

So, to start you off, here is my absolute favourite, great any time, but just smashing on a nice cosy winter evening:


White Russian - Recruiting Officer Long Mix

Vodka to taste
Kahlua (coffee liqueur) to taste (suggest equal to vodka)
Lots of milk (of your preference, to taste)
Ice


If you want to sip one just do equal shots of vodka, Kahlua and cream (or milk again if you prefer).

Oh and I really would recommend Kahlua - Tia Maria is a poor substitute in my opinion. Or why not try making your own?


So, any suggestions for luvverley cold-weather beverages? I have a drinks cupboard and I'm not afraid to use it! Recipes without alcohol also warmly welcomed...

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 18/11/05

It's time for a FFFFPFF! Where does the time go to eh?

As we have a frosty, twunt driver theme today, chuck a snowball at this one, courtesy of the US Naval Safety Center. 'Just say snow' - I love it.

A chance to go out and purchase a large ice scraper fixed to a glove the shape of a cartoon character of your choice to every lucky entrant.

On frost and stupidity

Now the weather has snapped colder at last, I think it would be prudent to post about the subject of frost and how people deal with it. Or rather don't.

Living on the south coast of the UK, we get ice and frosts although we've hardly seen snow for years. You don't have to go a lot further north, or much higher up in fact, to get snow, however I wonder if the frost to stupidity ratio is really that different across the country anyway.

I find it staggering that across the country people get into cars and drive about without bothering at all to clear their glass so they can see where they are going. It's just too much effort, obviously. Pick a nice frosty morning and go out to a road near you and marvel at the idiots who have perhaps managed to clear a window of visibility the size of a small football in front of their steering wheel.

This leads to events like the one I had this morning where a person in a car approaching me with no visible means of seeing out at all tried to overtake two cyclists. Well, in fact, they managed by some good fortune to become aware of the first one - perhaps they clipped them or something - however the second one obviously came as bit of a surprise, causing them to dive at close range into my path. Well done. You - and all those like you - play fast and loose with the lives others and for that you cannot be forgiven unless you sort yourselves out. Twats.

Buy Nothing Day - November 25 or 26 2005

My bad retail experiences over the last couple of weeks make it even more refreshing to bring up the subject of our ever-growing consumer madness.

Saturday 26 November (in Europe and Japan or the 25th everywhere else) is 'Buy Nothing Day' - or BND. Very simply, it's an opportunity to buy nothing for the entire day. We might want to take it as an opportunity to reflect on our unsustainable consumer-binge culture. Or, if you are keen, you could help spread the word by doing some BND activities. There are plenty on the website to keep you going. The UK site is here.

For example you could give out some 'shopaholic' fliers, or free samples of 'nothing' at your local supermarket or shopping centre, as these ideas from last year demonstrate.

If you do want to spread the word and you have not engaged in such activities before, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE consider your Recruiting Officer's top tips and exercise some common sense:

Non-violence is always the way
It's a good idea to let somebody know what you are doing
It is very easy to break the law, even by doing seemingly innocuous things so know what you are doing
If in doubt, don't do it
If you are on private property, for example in a shop, at a shopping centre, in a supermarket or supermarket-owned car park and you are asked to stop doing something, it would be a really good idea to do so
If the Police ask you to stop doing something or to move, do it
Know what you are doing and why you are doing it - you may be surprised how receptive people are if you are well informed
Be friendly - smile (if that's appropriate)
A bit of 'street theatre' or dressing up pretty much always goes down well - again be careful

If you don't fancy doing something 'on your own', there could well be some organised 'Jammer Group' activity near you. Check it out here.

Remember, I am not telling you to go out and do stuff. You are entirely responsible for your own actions, which is the way it should be.

And remember, at the end of the day, one of the most effective things you can do to participate is by doing absolutely nothing at all.

Good customer service spotlight: Laithwaites

I like wine. I like it a lot. I am interested in viticulture right the way through to the finished product. I enjoy looking at and smelling wine. I enjoy the texture and taste as well as the fact it gets me squiffy. I am not all snobby about wine, I actually think it's something most people can afford and enjoy in some way or another. In fact wine - and good wine at that - is becoming increasingly popular and accessible in the UK - partly due of course to its availablity on the internet.

In a week of customer service hell for me, I would like to balance the scales a little bit by highlighting a company that gets it absolutlely right.

For a while now I have been buying wine from Laithwaites. They offer a really good website and a phone ordering service that is available decent hours. They offer excellent deals on a vast variety of wines and to be honest, if you buy wine anyway it doesn't have to be any more expensive than a supermarket and comparatively I think the quality is superior. They have a no quibble refund if you don't like any bottle you buy - and I have genuinely never had a bad bottle. They also regularly hold tastings, dinners and other events if you wish to take advantage of them (although these can be a bit pricey).

You see, they have obviously thought about their customers - what they would like and what pleases them - and that thought becomes obvious in any transaction with them.

I had a case that didn't arrive a couple of weeks ago and after leaving it a while in case it turned up I phoned them. They couldn't have been more apologetic although it appeared it was a courier issue and promised to investigate and call me back. They did - and after apologising profusely again and explaining the case had been damaged in transit they promised to get a new case out straight away - plus an extra bottle or two for any inconvenience.

Get this. This is the best bit. Their staff actually sound happy on the phone. A lot of places people 'sound happy' (people can hear your smile and all that), but you can tell they just hate their job. At Laithwaites they actually seem to enjoy working there. I am hard pushed to think of any call centre I have spoken to where the staff have been more helpful - whilst sounding genuine about it. Other retailers take note: this should be the standard, not the exception.

I have heard good things about a number of online wine suppliers, Majestic and Virgin, for example are also supposed to be rather good. So can wine suppliers afford good service simply because they are making more profit? Perhaps this is true, however I for one would rather have a good all round service from any company. I expect that to be figured into the price. I would rather pay a 'true' price and have a good transaction, rather than costs that have been squeezed so hard they forgot to leave in the most important bit - customer satisfaction.

If you use eBay and are familiar with feedback ratings, it will possibly have crossed your mind at some point to consider what kind of rating some of the big retail companies would have if they traded there. Although not perfect, the eBay rating system is designed to give an immediate idea of 'worthiness' to the potential buyer (or seller). It also makes buyers and sellers think about how best to resolve an issue - basically it promotes everybody being reasonable. I don't think a lot of our 'big' retail companies would score very well.

Anyway, I digress. Laithwaites* get a big vote of confidence from me and many companies could learn from their example. If you do fancy using them I don't think you'll be disappointed. Now, where's my corkscrew?**


* I am in no way affiliated to Laithwaites and I am most certainly not trying to close a deal with them over 600 cases of Shiraz I haven't shifted yet from my estate in the McLaren Vale, South Australia. Very tasty it is too! I mean isn't. I mean it would be if it existed. Which it doesn't. Errr...

** Please enjoy alcohol responsibly... Hic!

UPDATE - Crap customer service spotlight: Currys

An update on the Currys debacle.

Well, we got to Friday and no e-mail or phone call from Currys or Zanussi regarding my newly delivered and rather damaged washing machine.

So I called the Currys customer service number again. 0870 156 5550 if you fancy a particularly unproductive way to kill some time. This is the one I discovered routes the call to Zanussi (if that is what you have a problem with).

Half an hour.

Yes. Oh yes. When I gave up on the call I had been listening to Enya from Beirut for half an hour. The little recorded message had apologised to me over 60 times for their complete and utter inability to talk to me.

I had to ring their other customer service number and have two people try to fob me off again with the same number I had been calling before I could get it through to them I had bought the machine from them, not the other company they were trying to put me through to. (Yes, it appears their 0870 156 5550 is actually run by yet another company who then routes you through to the manufacturer of your choice. Excellent!) Therefore, in my opinion it was up to them to sort it out. They eventually capitulated and agreed to call them for me - and half an hour later I was called by Zanussi. They had to take a mass of details again and then give me an 'uplift code'. How exciting.

The best bit was, I then had to call Currys again to give them the code so they would come and pick up and replace the damaged unit. They didn't need anything else from me, just the code, so why this small task was given to me I do not know. Perhaps Currys and Zanussi just don't like talking to each other full stop. It seems that way. It hasn't ended yet. Currys now have to call back to arrange a suitable time to come round. Oh well, it's only Monday...

So, dear readers, it is official - CURRYS ARE CRAP. I strongly suggest you do not buy anything from them. I am not into holding grudges, so if they do decide to do the decent thing and apologise profusely - and ideally offer me something simply rather appropriate, by way of goodwill, I may change my opinion in future. Genuinely sorting out their crap customer service would be enough for me.

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest - 11/11/05

Oooh and let's not forget the FFFFPFF!

Tony's been getting a bit of a roasting this week, so have a go at this one. A lengthy call at your own expense to Currys customer service helpline for every winner.

Two Minutes of Silence

Traditionally we hold two minutes of silence today to mark Remembrance of all those who have fallen in the two World Wars and later conflicts.

So, if you plan to observe a two minute silence today, why not also use your time, or make a little more time, to reflect on all the innocents that have lost their lives through conflict and tyranny and are still doing so every day in our ongoing 'war'. Every single one, be they in Iraq, Afghanistan, New York, Madrid, London or elsewhere. Let us truly remember and consider every single one. Let us truly have a global ritual of reconciliation so that we may better understand each other.

Please visit the Two Minutes of Silence page to pledge your support and take part if you agree.

Crap customer service spotlight: Currys

Well, I'll start off simply by describing a retail phenomenon many of you may have found over the last while, namely, 'when you buy it and it works, it's fantastic, but when you buy it and it doesn't, everything gets fu**ed up very quickly indeed'.

Yes, this is the interesting subject of modern customer service and how many companies have spent a suitable amount of money on fulfilment of orders, however have spent a good factor less on resolving 'issues'.

I have had the misfortune to experience a handful of such purchases in the last year and may well get around to naming and shaming all such sorry companies in turn, however, for the moment I will concentrate on the most recent. Currys. Part of DSG Retail Limited. I think that used to stand for Dixons Stores Group, however recently, I am told, they changed this to 'Dodgy Service Goons'. I quote from their corporate site: 'Through all our brands we aim to provide unrivalled value to our customers by the range and quality of our products, our competitive prices and our high standards of service.' High standards of service. Bollocks.

Okay, let me relate the story of 'the washing machine', whilst trying to give you some insight into modern fulfilment practices - why they are inherently evil and why nobody has a clue when things go wrong.

I ordered a Zanussi washing machine on Currys' website Sunday last, paid with a credit card and organised a delivery slot a week later, this past Monday. So far so good methinks.

I wasn't able to be present when it arrived and on closer inspection after unpacking all of it I noticed the right side had a kink near the bottom - so nicely done that it could indeed have been part of the desgn , however it didn't look like the left side, so, although I didn't want it to be so, I became fairly suspicious that someone had actually dropped it.

Because I wasn't certain if it was cream-crackered or not, I decided first of all to e-mail Zanussi and ask them if it was supposed to look the way it did. (Well, in fact I checked for product pictures their website first, which didn't have anything detailed enough.) They operate one of these formalised contact procedures as many companies do, whereby you cannot actually get a real e-mail address for them. No, that would be far too messy and/or useful. They just give you a contact form - and, after selecting what type of enquiry you are making from drop-down lists that offer nothing remotely related to what one actually wants to ask, you just get to send them a short message. Not long enough to really describe a problem, simply short enough to keep within the attention-span of the probably lowly-paid employee who is going to 'read it'. I use that term loosely as the normal response seems to be to 'skim' a query, or increasingly to flag keywords (indeed the 'best' companies already have machines doing this) and then send what might be a suitable stock e-mail in return.

What I really wanted to do was send them a photo because a picture speaks a thousand words as we all know. But you couldn't do that. Consequently the chap who read my query misunderstood it and sent me an e-mail the next day that made it clear he had misunderstood it. BUT WAIT! It was a real e-mail in fact with nothing generic in sight. Jeepers. He even phoned me on my mobile, although I missed the call because I was standing next to a freezer in a supermarket at the time. Sod it. Anyway, his phone message also confirmed he had misunderstood my query. Try Currys if you really think there's a problem, he said.

Fair enough. So, I phoned Currys. The woman made all the right noises and said that these things do happen sometimes and gave me another number to call that would sort it out. That took me through to another Currys automated helpline, one of these that actually asks you to respond verbally. After much fun with the words 'Zanussi', 'washing machine' and then the date I ordered it (that was the really complicated bit), it then put me through to someone I hoped would be human.

But it wasn't. I had an automated message giving me the general spiel about 'all our customer service operatives are busy at the moment' and 'we are experiencing an unusually heavy volume of calls', interspersed with the same repeated Enya track, in the style of being played on a scratchy gramophone down a bad line from backstreet Beirut.

I know it was repeating the same track because by the time I put the phone down, unsuccessfully, having spoken to no-one outside of a machine, I had heard it five times and over 15 minutes had elapsed.

Aaaaaaargh!

I was getting a little bit stressed by this moment so I decided to e-mail Currys instead. I asked for assistance and also told them to employ some more staff with all that money they were making by keeping people on hold on their national rate phone number. It had to be done. I also replied to the e-mail from Zanussi, saying I was waiting to hear from Currys, however I would appreciate their opinion on my photo of the 'damage'. Having a 'real' e-mail address was all too good to be true though, wasn't it? Even though their e-mail didn't say you couldn't respond to them, it bounced my response back to me. Bastards.

The following day - after no further joy - I went into the local Currys and asked if they could help out. I inspected their model of the machine and confirmed my suspicion that mine was damaged. I enquired of the guy at their customer service desk, who, with a knowing smile, explained that because it was a web order they couldn't do anything else to help. I explained what I had done so far and he accepted that was all thoroughly reasonable and I couldn't really do anything else but wait.

Having had no further luck with Currys I decided to phone Zanussi, which I hadn't done before, having e-mailed them as I did. Guess what? Enya from Beirut! Ha-ha! The phone number to Currys actually routed you through to Zanussi! Who originally told me to phone Currys! And they still weren't answering! Hahahahahahahaha! Aaaaaaaargh!

So, here I am. Four days later and no closer to getting a nice spanky, fully-functioning, un-dropped washing machine.

My point is, if they had delivered it and it had been fine, my opinion of Currys would be smashing. I would recommend them - and indeed Zanussi-Electrolux or whatever they are called this week - to anyone who wanted to know, and say how thoroughly smooth the whole process had been.

However, I can't do that, because they f*cked it up. Not just f*cked it up, but f*cked it up and haven't put it right. In fact won't even reply to me. And that makes me want to take this washing machine and shove it right up the arse of their head of customer service - overpaid and jumped up twat that 'he' (and I very much expect I am right) obviously is.

I need to get a job on Watchdog. They can remove the embarrassment to investigative journalism that is Nicky Campbell and put me on instead. Inserting faulty electrical appliances live on air would be a guaranteed ratings winner.

"90 days." "No, how about 30?" "No, at a push we'll take 60 though."

We're going all politics and civil liberties today, inspired by the upcoming vote in the Commons over whether or not detention of terror suspects should be extended from 14 to 90 days.

This is rather exciting for a number reasons. Firstly, there's a chance the UK Government could get turned over on this one for the first time since Blair came to power in 1997. The Lib Dems and the Tories oppose the move and a large number of Labour MPs are planning to vote against.

Secondly, and fundamentally more importantly, this proposed measure once again highlights the steady erosion of civil liberties through 'cover-all' legislation that has been the unpleasant trend in UK Government for at least the last 15 years.

Repeatedly Tony Blair has stated this measure is not his idea, it has been requested by the Police. Forgive me, please, for taking the piss, however why do we have Parliament then? Surely there must be some reason why we don't just let the Police do everything they want? Oh yes, it's called a Judiciary, who are responsible for making sure the laws of this country are applied properly. Perhaps they should feature more in such plans? This 'Police want' stance is poor. Perhaps they would also like free ice cream on demand, does that mean they should have it? Nonsense.

There is an interesting summary, by the BBC, of key quotes in this issue here which highlights how we are now going to, potentially, bargain this out. *Sigh*

When considering the 90 days measure, the parallel could quite easily be drawn with Apartheid South Africa whose detention without trial, also ostensibly to combat terrorism, developed from 90 days to 180 days, to indefinitely. Unfair comparison? Surely a modern, free, democratic nation wouldn't authorise such detention? Oh, umm... I forgot the USA are doing this aren't they? And possibly, it seems, all over the world.

We are not learning the lesson because, I believe, the UK Government is too intent on pursuing its 'climate of fear'. It is still my firm and heartfelt belief that measures such as these will only enhance friction and propogate ill-will. To preach 'democracy' to the world, whilst weakening your own is a blatant, outright and hypocritical failure to do good. I will leave you to consider the reasons why.

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STOP PRESS:

Blair defeated over 90 day motion, Labour rebel 28 day amendment approved

Well, they lost, in the end by 322 votes to 291, but I'll stop short of saying the 'good' won because they've still agreed to double detention without charge to 28 days. People are already talking about Tony Blair in past tense, which seems a little previous, however there is no doubt the Government has taken a fairly serious knock over this - and rightly so.

And bless Clare Short on BBC News 24 after having it put to her that Tony Blair has 'got a bloody nose' today, replied, "Yes, but more importantly he lost the argument... These are enormously serious matters and the case for 90 days wasn't made, in fact the case was made repeatedly that if you create the sense of an unjust state, locking people up for a long time... the chances are you'll increase those who think 'this is an unjust state and I might support the use of violence'... If you haven't even got a minor charge after 14 days, then you haven't got a case."

Shami Chakrabarti, Director of Liberty, after saying how pleased she is that MPs have stood up to Blair and inappropriate political campaigning by top Police officers, has also just stated, "There's a danger in becoming too euphoric about 28 days because 90 days was so 'unimaginable', it is still a doubling of the current pre-charge detention period and still a long time not to know the charge against you."

On a slightly more humorous note, Clare Short said she hoped this would hasten Blair's departure, "I just think for his own sake, as well as all the rest of us, it would be so good if he went. And he'd go to America, and give lecture tours, and he'd be happy, and we'd all be better off, and I wish he'd hurry up."

So what is 'endangered species' in Japanese?

It's that time of year again. The Japanese whaling fleet has set sail for some more 'scientific' whaling and apart from the standard target of Minke whales they are now after endangered Fin whales and similarly endangered Humpbacks will be on the menu too soon apparently. A little more from Greenpeace on this here.

Now, I like Japan, I like a bit of Karaoke now and again, they do some good animation, their attention to technical detail is renowned. However, this whaling crap under a scientific banner is very, very wrong. Stop it. Now. Or we're sending in the RIBs.

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John Fowles dies aged 79

Also, I only just realised the author John Fowles died last Saturday. I certainly have fond memories of The Collector and The Magus and he was one of those sorts who enjoyed conservation and wasn't afraid to express an opinion, apparently, which seems pretty good to me. You may remember he also made Lyme Regis, his adopted home, famous through The French Lieutenant's Woman (although that evokes a few too many images of Meryl Streep for me).

The BBC obit is here and I also noticed their 'Magazine' take on bloggers' reports of the event here.

Kids given food for thought

I am fast coming to the conclusion we are not going to be allowed to die of anything soon. Now, with the war on smoking seemingly almost done and dusted - and as if playground bullying wasn't enough, the British Heart Foundation are telling fat kids that they are eating too much cack.

Seriously, I think it's a nice idea to aim this stuff at kids and I expect the BHF have done their homework, however what proportion of these kids actually buy the majority of their own food? Ah well, I am all for nutritional education.

In fact this report highlights research that a lot of kids these days don't know where food comes from full stop, including the fact that 36% apparently didn't know chips are made from potato and slightly more didn't know that you make cheese from milk.

This is hardly surprising is it? We have lost touch with where our food comes from because most of us never see it in its 'natural habitat'. I still remember vividly the first time I saw a little lamb gambolling around a field and someone kindly pointed out we were eating one of its fluffy brethren for lunch. Just as I remember the first (and last) time I dropped a sweet wrapper on the ground and was explained the concept of litter.

It would seem, in our increasingly busy world, it is really difficult for parents to explain these concepts to their offspring or even take them in themselves. I don't want to go all Brave New World here, however if we can't do these things on our own any more, then perhaps some kind of subliminal conditioning is in order.

Anyhoo, without straying into bullying of course, there is no denying fat kids are often fun. For example our lives would be poorer without having witnessed the chubby kid 'Chunk' from The Goonies, so I don't think we should get rid of all of them.

Just as an aside, I went to a Burger King the other day. It was the first burger joint I'd been to in maybe a year (I still only ever use McDonalds for the toilets) and I was staggered at just how mind-sappingly cack and tired-looking it was - and they have only just finished re-building this one after a disgruntled employee burned down the last one. It was all industrial vents and bright colours - a bit like Terry Gilliam's Brazil meets the Teletubbies. Jeepers.

Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest

In an orgy of alliteration and an extreme desire for some extra entertainment on a Friday, I have devised the 'Fank Fun it's Friday Fantastic Photo Foolery Fest'.

The rules are simple: use the photo to come up with quality captions and post them on that there Haloscan device.

The only prizes awarded for captions passing muster will normally either be a) entirely fictitious or b) consist of high praise indeed from your Recruiting Officer. Or both.

This idea was 100% inspired by the nonsense other people put on their blogs, such as Misty's super-fine, DED (Double Entendre Day) of a Wednesday.

So here we are, folks, the inaugural and highly topical FFFFPFF, suggest me up something that will finesse or flagellate my fiery fandango:

Greenpeace 'terrorise' Prescott's wife

Well, the excitement just keeps coming this week.

Further to my post here - we now have actual reports from court by The Telegraph.

Just as a reminder we are looking for the number of times the word 'terror' is used in the same breath as 'Greenpeace'.

Go on, count 'em...!

(Also note her evidence is rather at odds with the officer at the scene.)

The official Greenpeace version of events is here.

Who do you believe? The choice, my friends, is yours...

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Stop Press:

The magistrate gave them costs of £3,900 split between them (which Greenpeace will pick up) and 80 hours of community service each. At least they won't need fluorescent overalls when they do it, Greenpeace have lots of those already.

I sincerely hope Mrs Prescott can find it in her heart to forgive them, after all, as she said in court, her husband once swam up the Thames to protest about nuclear dumping (no jokes about terrorising shipping, please).

So I guess it must have been some point later in life that he sold out and became a twat.

'Charity' wristband profiteering, plus added 'Make money from terrorism'.

When they do one of those reviews of 'the noughties', you can guarantee they will mention the fact that several million people were ripped off by paying good money for 'charity' wristbands.

"The idea started off well enough," it will say, "however, soon every useless fu*ker with eyes bigger than their moral scruples decided they could make a fortune from selling politics as fashion, mainly to a youth who were gullible beyond words."

That is the problem with them. There are too many wa*kers out there scamming them for every penny they possibly can.

One of the seemingly larger dealers of wristbands in the UK, is a company called LMC Wristbands - they operate from the website www.lmcwristbands.com. You can see on their site their 'Director' was interviewed on GMTV - which seems to be an attempt to lend some credibility to their operation - and they are the 'official distributer [sic] of bands to the Authentic TV Shopping channel on Sky TV, channel number 695' (which doesn't exist), website authentictv.tv (which doesn't exist).

At the end of July 2005, it came to my attention this company was promoting a new website, www.terrorismreliefwristband.com, where it was suggesting it wanted to raise £1,000,000 for the London Bombings Relief Charitable Fund.

The ad is on the right and will open into full size if you click on it. This was in the September issue of 'The Trader' magazine (19/08/05) - a magazine aimed at retailers and market traders.

The bit that caught my eye was that stupendous marriage of charity and profit 'best selling £1 line ever'. It also states 'official charity wristband' mentioning the London Bombings Relief Charitable Fund straight after. Well that sounds cool enough then right?

Well, I understood the British Red Cross were administering the fund and knowing a little about how charitable organisations tick, I was surprised they would be letting a third party flog these for them so obviously whilst mentioning their fund. Plus, the website mentioned only had a holding page up at the time and looked about as accomplished as if it had been created by a room full of monkeys given not enough time (it's not a lot better now).

So, I phoned the Red Cross and was not surprised to hear them tell me there was no such thing as a wristband for the bombings - they had considered it themselves and decided not to do it. This was in no way officially linked to them.

The long and the short of it was they ended up investigating what these people were doing, although as the person I spoke to at the time mentioned, they are surprisingly unable to get much done about people professing to fundraise on their behalf. I find this staggering when to be charity you have to jump through hoops (and quite rightly to a point) to be able to accept money from people. The website is obviously still running.


Let's study the facts and you can do your own maths:

The wristbands sell for £1

They want to sell 4 million, raising £1,000,000 for the London Bombings Relief Charitable Fund (I make that £3,000,000 going somewhere else).

'Good profit margins' - It seems so, yes.

'Further discount on high volumes' - In fact on the website they are offering them wholesale for 50p each plus VAT.


If you do a lookup on the .co.uk version of the same domain (click image, right), which takes you to the same site, you will find the owner is one Jonathan Haigh, seemingly the afore-mentioned 'director' of LMC Wristbands. It was successfully registered on 08/07/05, one day after the attacks on London.

So what do you think? Is this company providing a worthy public service, or are they taking the piss and committing a heinous dupe on the populace on the back of terrorism?

Generally, should more effort be made to regulate and get proven wristband scammers shut down? What do you think?

One of those days

I had 'one of those days' yesterday. Sometimes you have a moment, just a close shave if you are lucky, where you are humbled because you realise you could have ended up as a 'statistic' of one type or another, or, even worse, made a good candidate for a Darwin Award. Thomas Hardy would have called these marriages of circumstance 'fate', whether they be happy or unhappy.

Right, I think there is a time and a place for fireworks and I try to be pretty good about it. I like animals and I like to think I'm responsible around animals, so in my particular book fireworks parties normally happen on Bonfire Night itself or on the Saturday afterwards. They don't go on very long or late.

Well, in anticipation of a splendid fireworks party this November 5th, I trawled the supermarkets at lunchtime yesterday in search of some fine explosive fare. Tesco was last on my list and after a few minutes I emerged from the shop with as many large rockets as I could carry and wandered over to the car. I marvelled as I opened up the boot to be presented with an armoury even The A-Team would have been proud of.

Pleased with my efforts, I deposited the rest of the rockets, did my best to shut the boot and turned around to notice a puddle that had formed under the car, which as I bent down to investigate, my nose confirmed was petrol. Moving the car out of the space a bit and getting down on the ground to have a look, I realised fuel was in fact pissing quite merrily out of my tank and showing no signs of stopping.

Umm... Ever a man of action and without wanting to cause a scene in the middle of Tesco's car park, I decided to chance driving to my garage which was on my back anyway. So, there I am, flying down the dual carriageway with enough fireworks to worry a small country, while only a foot beneath, the contents of my fuel tank is emptying itself all over possibly very hot bits of my car.

It was at this moment I could see either a scene from Final Destination 3 or my own Darwin Award forming in my mind...

"He didn't stop and evacuate Tesco as any sane person would have done, he chose to get in the car and drive three miles down the road. Only an idiot would have lit a cigarette in such circumstances."

Feck. Fortunately I no longer smoke, and I was so pleased when I got to the garage in one piece I didn't have the heart to tell them what was 'hiding inside'. All's well, too, as the leak stopped after a while. It's one of those delightful 'characteristics' of my car and although I have it back, it's now booked in to be sorted out.

So, potentially explosive scenario survived and still on course for Saturday with fireworks intact. Now, where did I put that big safe box to keep them all in?