Sweat the 'small' stuff

It is not uncommon to hear people getting a bit flustered about something and getting the response, 'Don't sweat the small stuff'.

Now, getting uncontrollably emotional about the fact someone has accidentally put sugar in your tea may give that statement some kind of merit, however I think we have a social obligation to 'sweat the small stuff' when there is a breakdown in the fundamentally accepted rules of our society.

Making the distinction between petty and important is a subjective one, admittedly. We all have different priorities regarding what we feel is important in life.

For example, when the values in question are the merits of honesty, respect for others, tolerance, I am sure many of us witness - or are guilty of - failures every day.

Values such as these seem to be important to people, yet frequently taken for granted as 'you either have them or you don't'. The idea we cannot change, that individuals cannot change, is surely a rather sweeping generalisation - and one void of hope. As part of a society that is allegedly democratic, yet is in many ways increasingly more insular with regard to our everyday responsibilities to others, we need to have conviction in these core values we believe to be right in both word and, more importantly, in deed.

The current 'climate of fear' I much less prefer to the 'climate of optimism' we once had. Surely it is possible to be understanding and pro-active in a constructive way, both at home and abroad, without governments having to resort to making people miserable as a matter of policy?

If I have the choice I want to be happy, not sad. I want to be embracing, not fearful. I want to be informed in an unbiased way and make up my own mind. I do not want grow old in a country degenerating into slum for fear of taking a positive lead. I would very much like people to prove their actions speak louder than their words.

People believe we are better informed these days. Well if that equates to volume of information, we certainly are. Better informed, though? Essentially, the ability to mass-shepherd public opinion - indeed our general way of life - has never been greater. That goes for commercial and governmental concerns alike. To uber-quote Spiderman, 'with greater globalisation comes greater responsibility'.

We need more people involved in our democratic process on a much more frequent basis. I don't think what we have works anywhere near as well as it could. We need to lead the way with reform to democracy and show the positive results it can have on society. Essentially, societies in conjunction with their democratic process need to wrest the balance of power back from corporations. I firmly believe 'democracy led' needs to topple 'market led'.

We need to use our technology to embrace our population and engage them more fully in everyday aspects of life. We need people to feel involved, engaged, wanted, needed, necessary. Who without a corrupt agenda is going to oppose this? Let's sweat the 'small' stuff. Let's have more faith in people whilst retaining a guiding hand. Let's prioritise the core values of what we think is so great about our society and show people.

Mental Environment

Our fledgling collective here is subscribing to the fact we need to address the full-on assault modern day life brings to our minds. Adbuster's eloquently address this issue with their Media Carta movement.

The basic gist is this:

"Our minds have become a virtual dumping ground of pollutants -- manipulative ads, distorted news, untold violence, spin and hype. We can cope with the media onslaught to a degree. But all signs suggest that the cumulative effects of this toxic culture -- on our stress levels, our moods, our relationships, our worldviews, even our mental health -- could become one the most pressing issues of our generation."

On the Media Carta site you can read up and, if you agree, sign up. The articles Tragedy of the Mental Commons and What's My Damage are well worth reading.

Twunts on the loose

Empirical evidence today of two things:

1) The idea that men can only do one thing at time has some merit

2) Mobile phones are incredibly distracting bits of kit

The trip into Asda this lunchtime was to be brief. I needed a pair of tongs and a large kitchen knife to complete my Norman Bates handy prop kit. Anyway, I went for the kiosk till as there were only a couple of people there, one waiting and one being served.

I am of the opinion it's a bit rude to carry on a phone call through the entirety of a queuing/packing/paying experience, especially if said phone call is going to make you do all the afore-mentioned things in slow motion, because your aural faculties are hard-wired for power to your motor ones.

So, twunt on phone makes final slow-motion effort of holding phone with one hand to ear, whilst using other hand to take the credit card the cashier has been offering him for several seconds, trying to slot it back, rather unsuccessfully into his wallet. Then walks off. Without his shopping. Twunt.

There was a moment of smugness as I noticed this (as did the chap in front of me) and then a comical exchange of glances between us and the cashier which was plainly about whether to divvy up said twunt's purchases or not, before she picked up the bag and had to collar another passing employee to go and run after him.

I think we can safely assume this man carried on his conversation out to his car, whilst starting it and driving off, steering for a while with his knees whilst deciding to put his seatbelt on after all.

There is mileage in this twunt business and no mistake.

Don't be a TWUNT...

Smashing! Following on from the last post we have our first script...


"DON'T BE A TWUNT... USE YOUR INDICATORS"


CUT IN:

EXT. T-JUNCTION - DAY

LS (LONG SHOT):

View directly opposite a T-junction.

CUT TO:

CU (CLOSE-UP):

MR TWUNT sitting in car waiting to turn right out of junction.

VO (VOICEOVER):
(A la Brian Cant in Trumptonshire stylee)
No fun sitting at a busy junction when nobody will let you out is it Mr Twunt?

MR TWUNT, to camera, looks resigned and shakes head.

VO:
Perhaps you should indicate your intention to the other road users, then they might know what you are trying to do.

MR TWUNT breaks into grin of dawning realisation then looks around for his indicators.

VO:
There they are Mr Twunt, the indicators are normally on a stalk next to the steering wheel.

MR TWUNT turns on windscreen wipers.

VO:
No, no, the other one Mr Twunt, you really should learn the controls on your car.

CUT TO:

MS (MID SHOT):

MR TWUNT finally turns on the right-hand indicator and a car immediately stops to let him out.

VO:
Well done Mr Twunt, indicating your intention to other road users makes you a much safer and more courteous driver and can even get you on your way faster, as you can see. Will you use your indicators in future Mr Twunt?

CU:

MR TWUNT nods, smiling inanely.

LS:

Another junction on left with pedestrian checking traffic and then proceeding to cross as MR TWUNT's car comes into view.

MR TWUNT POV:

He turns left, view of shocked pedestrian.

CUT TO BLACK:

CLUNK of pedestrian being hit.

CUT IN:

Dazed pedestrian sitting in road in front of car and MR TWUNT standing next to him.

VO:
Pedestrians are looking to see your intentions too, MR TWUNT. You really are very silly and now you are going to get sued. You'll probably have to sell your car to pay for it, although that's probably for the best, isn't it, seeing as you are such a lazy BEEP of a driver?

MR TWUNT nods, smiling stupidly.

CUT TO BLACK:

CUT IN:

END CREDIT:
(Yellow on black B/G)

DON'T BE A TWUNT...
USE YOUR INDICATORS

Public Information Films

Public Information Films seem to be one of the number of things that once featured on the list of great stuff to take for granted in the UK that have slowly been scrapped, sold off or squeezed out by more commercial concerns.

Yes, we have occasional adverts about speeding, fire-awareness, drink-driving and smoking, but blummy-heck, the list is endless and we need telling the error of our ways as we slide further and further into isolated, addle-brained ignorance.

So, here we go with a list of contenders and we may examine, script or even, dagnammit, arrange filming of a few in future blogs:

Polite pedestrianism - to include giving way a bit/not charging people down and checking to see if anyone is following you through self-closing doors instead of letting them shut in their face.

Indicators - starter/refresher on the benefits of using the yellow flashy things on your vehicle.

Traffic lanes and what they mean - I'm not pulling over, oh no, there's a car on the inside lane a mile up the road.

Washing hands after using the loo - 'Obvious' health benefits to you and others.

Spitting/sniffing - The world would be a better place without 'greeners' on pavements (and how sportspeople could set an example for a start) and an introduction to the concept of nose-blowing.

Car-parking - The merits of reversing into a parking space as opposed to driving in and how to get 'in the box' in car parks.

Laziness - Someone else will sort it out. 'Don't be lazy, you drive others crazy.'

Common sense - use it don't lose it. 'Don't be dense, use common sense.'

There must be so many more, any ideas? Snappy slogans welcome...

Fascinating people

Well, there is no shortage of fascinating people who blog - and no mistake. I am kind of in awe of these people at the moment, mainly because many can manage a good blog Monday to Friday if not the whole seven days a week. I find that quite scary, especially as I have been a little lax already, although I still have the best intentions. I must try harder in my own blog-world, I think, or admit cack-ness.

Cowboys

Oopsy-doo. It's a strange old world. I am currently being made redundant from the job I've had for the past few years. This is one of those long, drawn-out affairs, where we have to have 'staff consultation' and eventually hand over the business to another part of the company up in the big smoke. I thought it was quite easy to see this coming because I used to be really busy - outrageously so for the pittance paid - however of late things have been finished up or plans shelved. Something was in the offing. So I am currently in the peculiar stage of having to turn up for work every day with little to do when I get there. I am certainly not complaining about this, although human nature being what it is, I do occasionally resent the fact that I could be using the time to implement phase 15 of the DIY strategy or going down the beach pretending to be cool. Incidentally, does anyone else have a problem with sunglasses? I have often bought them, but have only ever got around to wearing each pair once, before getting annoyed with them. Too much hassle. I much prefer squinting, which must only enhance my rugged good looks. I was just thinking that squinting actually worked for Clint Eastwood. Although, I suppose he only started that being a cowboy in movies set way back, when they hadn't been invented. Kept it up though, didn't he?

Anyway, talking of work and cowboys, we had a staff 'do' Friday last where we all had to dress up as cowboys - the Clint, not hairy-arsed builder variety - and go to Bournemouth and get very drunk. Drinking is what cowboys do I think if I have been watching 'Deadwood' and paying attention. Not that Bournemouth ever saw any real cowboys I think, although drinking there is - and in no small amount. I guess perhaps it was the Brits who went to North America who imported our 'binge-drinking' genes with them. Saying that, 'whoring' is the other thing there seems to be a lot of in Deadwood and there's definitely some of that going on in that there Bournemouth. I guess the modern equivalent of the 'Gem Saloon' would probably be Spearmint Rhino.

My soon to be ex-work colleagues and I certainly entered into the spirit of things. Wine flowed - sorry, I mean cheap liquor - small, shiny cap guns were fired in (mostly) good-natured duelling and we played Twister - which I believe was actually invented in the Wild West by Buffalo Bill himself.

Having started at about 1pm it was hardly 5pm before we had finished our obligatory karaoke session and we had to leave our existing venue and find a new one, to make way for more revellers I'm sure.

I don't know if you have ever been to Bournemouth, however it is one of those towns where the bars (there aren't many 'pubs' there) have comedy door policies - often along the lines of 'I know the bar is empty, but you're not coming in because...'

And so it was, the first bar we came to and it was empty (bearing in mind the time this was not that surprising) and we were refused entry, seemingly because people were wearing cowboy hats. Umm...

Being of the 'okay we'll just find somewhere else' variety of drinker I would have happily gone up the road, however we were in a group and one of our number decided to argue the toss with the door staff. In fact very polite reasoning was perhaps closer to the mark, which was obviously pointless - it took forever and was going nowhere. As this was semi-entertaining I decided to take some innocent piccies of the event using my camera phone. Unfortunately this really pissed off one of the door staff. Perhaps he used to be in the SAS or something. In fact I doubt this because I always imagine members of elite military forces can exercise some level of control. Perhaps he failed the exams.

Anyway, this chap decided I couldn't take any pictures in a public place without permission (either at the entrance to the bar or on the public highway outside) and then went on to tell me he could take my phone off me for doing so.

In my efforts to point out politely that he was talking cack, I inadvertently discovered a new extreme UK drinking sport I am calling 'Bouncer Baiting'. Here are the rules:

1. This is a 100% non-violent sport - failure to keep your head could result in serious injury and thus premature ending of a game. Alcohol can affect your judgment so be very careful.

2. A new game must only be attempted on bouncers who have no visible sense of humour, who lie about matters of the law, or who have very obvious anger/violence issues - or indeed any mixture of these.

3. Know the law. There is little margin for error. Conviction is your ally.

3. You must have no fear. Or be really stupid.

4. You must be prepared to get a kicking.

5. Be prepared to call the Police if necessary, however DO NOT waste their time.

In this instance, a game was initiated with a camera phone and this seems quite a good tool. If challenged about taking pictures in a public place, retreat to an area you are sure is a safe distance away from the entrance to said establishment on the public highway and calmly take a few more pictures to assert your right to do so. Wait for bouncer to go apeshit and try halfheartedly to steal your phone (although stopping short because he can't actually steal your phone because that would be theft, of course) then accuse you of doing something wrong because you are standing on the pavement 15 feet away from their entrance without even wanting to come in. The clever thing to do would have been to ignore me because I would have pissed off in a minute or two, however he decided to stand in front of me on the pavement and try to stare me out. Ummm... going for that one? I don't think so. Sensing he was losing the plot, one of his colleagues, posssibly the head honcho, came and verbally abused me. Sadly, the other guy seemed to just take this as a green light and pushed me. Common assault. They lose. Rozzers turn up. Game over.

In my mind, door staff who can't brush off a bit of alcohol related fun and games shouldn't be doing the job. Should they be any less professional than the Police? I think not. Should they learn about what they can and can't do? Oh yes. And I thought these people had to have training now... Hmmm...

Anyway, the evening went on in grand style, more cheap liquor and much drunken Tourette's to finish off with. And not a cowboy hat in sight. Winky wanky woo! Smashing!